Wednesday

I’ve never been 89 before,
I’ve never been in a long physical recuperation before.
I’ve never been so self- involved.
Who do I really want to be with?
What do I really want to contribute to.
I can’t fill a bucket list.
Do I really believe in all those medicines I’m supposed to take?
Is it OK that I’m not always grateful and
just want to cvetch.
I hate myself for sitting too long at this computer
I’m killing my back -so what?
I ‘ll eat a boring dinner.
Listen to all the bad news
And go to bed. 

Thursday

I force myself to get dressed
Even put on some makeup
my driving friend Joanne picks me up
to go to our Chair Tai Chi class. I love it. I love all the old people including me
dropping our canes, but
smiling and laughing as we stretch.
I love the Chinese for being so wise hundreds of yeas ago
Too bad I’ll never get to China—Oh stop that.

Joanne and I have coffee on the beach.
Nature does its thing again
I go home happy and looking forward to whatever.
I walk up the 8 Steps to our home.
They exhaust me.
I kiss my wondrous husband
And head for the couch
knowing I’ll be OK in a few minutes.
I quickly scan our living room
It pleases me.

I’m looking forward to reading my email
and filling my calendar
with all the goodies that West LA offers.
And writing short loving notes to those who wrote to me.
Hillary and Tim and Bernie give me hope.
I have to write a reflection for my ICUJP meeting tomorrow
(Interfaith Communities for Justice and Peace
So here it is:

Writing this I am reminded that
I may have never been 89 in physical recuperation And so self involved before
Isn’t altogether true.
Why do I forgot those othr periods?
When my physical strength was OK
But my heart was broken, and I was defeated.
Unsure of my future, searching for existential wisdoms.
It’s not just that my memory is untrustworthy.
It’s because when I reminisce
I have to acknowledge that I am deeper for those times.
Today I am at peace and grateful for this full life.
No stage is for sissies.
Was adolescents or middle age easy?
Tomorrow my Interfaith buddies and I will celebrate our time
together,
And share our understanding of the power of community.
And while we are together not worry about how we will feel on
Saturday.

In closing allow me to Quote a real poet. Stanley Kunitz:
We have all been expelled from the Garden
But the ones who suffers most in exile
Are those that are still permitted to dream of perfection.